Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
