i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
