That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
