i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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