I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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