office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
