bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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