Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
