I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
