Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize