If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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