you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
