I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
