I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
