Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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