she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
