My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
