I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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