I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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