He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize