I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
