Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
