don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
