I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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