he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
