did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
