I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
