she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
