Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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