Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
