Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
