she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
