When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
