I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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