I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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