last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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