Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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