We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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