I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
