i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
