bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
