I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish they made helmets for livers.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
