Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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