we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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