I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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