Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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