Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
