Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
