I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
