He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
