no, he came in my armpit
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
