Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
