so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize