Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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