that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
