She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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