Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
