Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
