"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize