exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
