This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
