i would punch a child for taco bell
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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