You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
