I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
