I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
