she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need to align my fucking chakras
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