is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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