I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
