he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
