spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
