I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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