just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
