omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
