3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
"it" just moved
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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