I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
