Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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