almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
