in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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