Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
