she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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