we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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